Hello Hello Hello and Happy New Decade. Yea!
As we enter into this New Year, New Month, New Decade, I am very aware that this is the last year of my young Sun's High School Career. It is very Sweet, Loving and Dear for me. I have enjoyed each day and time of his life. When I hear others say: Wow, that went by fast, I am unable to relate. My Sun's life is yet not going by fast for me. I have made it my business to enjoy each day of My Sun's Life. From Holding him as an infant, to picking him up and carrying him as a toddler and hugging him now as a young adult. I have enjoyed each day, time, minute and hour of my young Sun's Life. He reminds me of a time not so long ago, when he thought I was so very tall, and I would say to him: No Sun, Mommie is short, and one day you will not only be taller than me, but Mommie will lay on your shoulders the way you lay on mine now.
Today, as I hug my Sun, I lay my head on his shoulder and I hug him as he once hugged me (when he was younger). We are in Transition. He is a young man now; and I "so" respect the Man he is becoming. As a single Mother a million and 1 thoughts have crossed my mind of what he may be lacking having but 1 Parent. Ohhhhh, the guilt of what he may be missing, what I may have missed giving him, what he may need that I was not giving. How much more Love and Material things he could have had with 2 loving and devoted parents (in the home or outside). But then My Sun Assures, and Reassures me without knowing, of something I use to say when he was younger. "Mom, God knew what I needed and made sure to move what was NOT going to be in my best interest out of the way; and he left me with you as My Mother; the perfect guide and leader, hearing him "The Father", leading and guiding you to help me along the way. My Sun Loves his Mommie (that part cannot be denied). ...He says often: Mom, God gave me the Best Father in the world, "God gave me you" and you take good care of me. My Sun is sure to tell me, without prompt ~ "Mom I have never wanted for anything, you have always made sure I had everything I needed and wanted. You have made life look easy, while sharing with me that it has NOT always been easy". At the tender ages of 16/17 and 18, through his eyes, in his being, and with his love, My Sun exudes HAPPY. His Smile. His Spirit, his Love and His Demeanor. What others say to me about him. What I witness. His Respect, Humble tone and the Honor he has for himself, Family, his team mates and his peers. It is that "Happy", his poise, his very being that says to me: Patricia, Job Well done. All the rest is extra when I look at my Sun.
Do not harp on what is coming and when. Love them Daily in all of their essence. I am ask often if I will write a book on how to raise a son as a single Mother. I probably will not, (though I am honored that anyone would even ask, think or want me to write such a thing).
Thank you community. Thank You Aunties, Thank You Coaches and all that came when God, the Ancestors and Angels called. It is not only because of me, but because you did your part too, to help build a "KING". Thank You Loves. And Thank You Babe Daddy. Thank You for never showing up, for not being a source of warmth, love or anything to see, feel or touch. Thank you for Never putting time in and simply being a Dead Beat Person through the eyes as far as I can see. Thank You for doing your best at running, staying away and not being here for him. Thank you for allowing our Sun to see me hard at work and giving me the opportunity to be Our Sun's "SHERO". Most of all, I thank you for teaching our Sun who not to be, what not to do. By witnessing your lack, may his ears have heard my prayers and through our talks of love, motivation and confidence building, may my Sun always hold himself accountable and responsible for himself and his actions, while always being responsible and taking responsibility for himself as a Man, a Human being and The Character of his Person, while allowing his light to shine without the weight of a deadbeat.
All of my Heart, Love and All I have to Give to My Sun. All of My Everything to this young Man that makes my heart melt and glow all at the same time. The young Man that I gave birth to last, who came out a running. I honor you (My youngest egg). "I Honor, Love and Respect you young Sir". "Your Mommie Absolutely Adores You". This is Senior Year, and I have NO Fear. You are already a Great Love and Contribution to this World and our Society. I Love Who You are and Who You are Becoming.
A Mothers Love. My Love For My Sun Endlessly.